On Halloween, there’s nothing worse than having your creativity rewarded with bad candy. You have to lug that crap around for like 10 blocks, only to get home, dump your loot out, and find that some houses seriously missed the mark. Sure, you can try to trade with your friends, but there are some confections that no one – not even your best bud – is willing to find redemption in. And here they are, in no particular order, the worst of the worst Halloween candies:
1. Bubble Gum
In a world where Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups exist, what kid wants to waste their time unwrapping single pieces of Double Bubble? Don’t be fooled by the packaging; these pink, rock-hard slabs will never live up to their promises of outrageous bubbles and lasting flavors.
2. Symphony Bars
While you’re at it, why don’t you just hand out jars of Grey Poupon. No kid – or even adult, for that matter – in their right mind is stoked to get a Symphony bar. It’s exactly the same thing as a Hersey bar, only it’s creamier because everyone wants a creamy candy bar that’s about as symphonic as the Baha Men, which is to say it fails in every way.
In case you couldn’t tell by the dirty looking packaging that hasn’t been altered all that much since their debut, these completely non-holiday appropriate candies have been in existence since just before the Great Depression. Their lack of flavor and less than 2% of actual honey makes us seriously wonder how they’ve stayed around all these years.
4. Zero Bars
You’ll never guess how many things are there to like about this candy bar! Ha! …Get it? Get it? ZERO. Unusual in the worst way possible, these stark white, nougat-covered candies are a far cry from a treat.
5. Werther’s Original…or Strawberry Hard Candies…
…or any other confection that you might find buried in your Grandmother’s purse. On Halloween, offering boring hard candies just shows that you’d rather be watching TV than answering your door…and that you want your car egged.
6. Circus Peanuts
How these peanut-shaped treats ended up flavored with banana, we may never know, but it is clear that our recycled plastic bottles are being reused. Real marshmallows just don’t crumble away and dissolve like that, guys.
About the Author:
"Katie Straw" is the writer at KingOfPOP.com, maker of delicious handcrafted gourmet popcorn, and currently resides in Manchester, New Hampshire.